In breaking my tradition of casually pirating movies two years after last considering a passing interest in a trailer that gave half-hearted promises of not sucking, I visited one of your human theaters and was handed a set of bridge-pinching 3D glasses by Andre the Giant’s older brother (I swear he was 6’12”). Thanks Kim! The gravity of Bullock’s harrowing situation is that she must dodge both satellite shards and scientific fact in a desperate jaunt between implausible scenarios. The movie has its problems, sure, but I do agree with critics that this is the one movie to see in Imax 3D if there ever was one.
We seek and subsequently elect our political leaders, lending them reigns to steer governments through times of turmoil. So too, do some find beacons in their lives, utilizing the embodiment of spiritual leaders to guide where they’re needed most. But what if our best spiritual guide was our own rational voice? And what if our religious Guru, bearded, accented, and draped in an Indian smock, turned out to be a film-maker from New Jersey?
It would be easy to hear a brief paraphrasing of this movie and assume it was part of the deservedly-abhorred Twilight saga, only with zombies instead of angsty vamp-wolves. And in all honesty the plot isn’t that far off. Though that idea could very well be how this was pitched to a producer, the movie turns out to be anything but. With equal helpings of comedy, romance, and horror, Warm Bodies tells the classic story of boy becomes zombie, boy meets girl, boy eats girl’s boyfriend, boy falls in love with girl, girl stabs boy in the chest and runs away screaming. In short, you’ll be blindsided if you see this thing with any kind of preconceptions, Twilight or not.
A continuation of the worst movies that I can recall, this is a list of memories invoked by horrible feats of cinema that made my skin crawl. Contained within, you will find a few more titles that rubbed me the wrong way. I hereby deem them “unwatchable” for one reason or another, so reader discretion is advised.
There are worse ways to spend your time…. You can either prepare yourself by reading a random stranger’s blog, vicariously arming yourself with knowledge that his unfortunate eyes can’t un-know. Or you can take the red pill and fall down the rabbit hole yourself, forever tumbling through the unshakable certainty that you live in a topsy-turvy world of mind-numbing carelessness, a world that allows these purgatories to exist, unpersecuted. I recommend the blue pill, Neo, so that food retains its flavor.