The XBox One is a Trojan Horse

Trojan-horse-shutterstock_95916187_Main-image_300No, I’m serious. This thing, a non-descript black box committed to the stylings of that dusty piece of electronics your grandfather can’t bring himself to throw away, is in disguise. On the surface, they’re pitching it as a “media hub”. They say that it is an all-in-one device into which you funnel your existing bits of tech, but I’m going to call them out on the bullshit. There are marauding Greeks inside this console, just waiting to sell your personal information and creep on your family.

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Dopey Bikers

hist5bigI’d be pissed if I cared about cycling in the slightest. You go back and look at all the commercials he made, all the tv spots he did, all the times that he denied the doping and pretended to be the Golden Boy of athletic success. He promotes everything you’d expect in an American Poster Child, the easy choice to slap on a Wheaties box and tell kids to emulate, yet we’re still suprised that he embodies everything that you’d EXPECT in an American Star: the Fakeness, the Bravado, the Unabashed Lack of Scruples, and Hypocrisy. “Drugs” is a gimme but with Armstrong’s particular fall, he brought the rest of us with him.

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Mass Shootings and Awareness

“Events like this … if they are influenced by anything, are influenced by news programs. It becomes a media event. Cable news drops ordinary programming and goes around the clock with it. The story is assigned a logo and a theme song; these two kids were packaged as the Trench Coat Mafia. The message is clear to other disturbed kids around the country: If I shoot up my school, I can be famous. The TV will talk about nothing else but me. Experts will try to figure out what I was thinking. The kids and teachers at school will see they shouldn’t have messed with me. I’ll go out in a blaze of glory.”
– Roger Ebert (http://boingboing.net/2012/12/15/roger-ebert-on-how-the-press-r.html)

I feel like the news media machine giving 24 hour coverage of the event is largely at fault for propagating the tragedy, and making the shooters’ work famous. But I don’t feel like this is solely their fault. Since there are so many of these happening in the last few years, schools are part of the problem as well.

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Disney Buys Star Wars

Well, that was…. unexpected. The immature brat in me screams an appropriately melodramatic Episode III Vader “Noooooooooooo” while the thoughtful (though admittedly smaller) voice in me gives pause to contemplation. Is Mickey Mouse really the worst thing to happen to the Star Wars franchise? Could it be any more devastating than the canon fodder of having Jar Jar Binks unknowingly resigning the known galaxy to an oppressive Empire? A Lucas Metaphor? WWJJD?

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The Political Machine

So, I heard that the general public is now convening every four years to compare unreasonable expectations and misinformation in their bid to tout a singular person to represent complicated issues with either the color red or the color blue. Crazy as it sounds, I encourage this sort of behavior because not only does it embiggen a sense of individual empowerment, but it gives people something to root for in the off-season of the [popular athletic team].

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Gamer Death: A Developer’s Responsibility?

The game’s name isn’t important, since this has undoubtedly occurred before and will happen again, but the topic-sparking scenario was as follows. A player checked into a private room at a ‘gaming cafe’ and was roused from his desk 40 hours later. The 18 year old stood up and collapsed, dying from a blood clot that had developed from sitting in one place too long. Since the hapless tragedy, a connection has been drawn between the man’s addiction to games and the lack of concern for his well-being. Developers are once again called upon to take the onus of responsibility because of their supposed contribution to his demise. But this is just about as unreasonable as things get to me.

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My Reactions to Orvillecopter

Orville used to be a cat that was one day hit and killed by a vehicle. His owner, professing that he loved his pet so much, decided to put the body in a freezer for 6 months while working on a remote controlled helicopter framework. He then had a taxidermist apply the skin to the helicopter frame, yielding a wide-eyed cat with all four legs splayed out in a very un-catlike stance. The thing has four propellers, one on each foot, and is remotely controlled by the owner whom claims that he is not desecrating the memory of the cat, but that every feline dreams of flying with the birds just like the Orvillecopter. Needless to say, controversy has erupted over the issue.

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Bacon Files Restraining Order on America

In an inspiring tale of courage Bacon -one of the younger members of the Pork dynasty- has finally spoken out about its recent abuses perpetrated on behalf of the American people. “I’m exhausted”, Bacon declares, “I used to take it all in stride, and maybe I was a little flattered at first, but it has gotten ridiculous.” Bacon chokes back tears. “They just don’t know their limits anymore and now it has even become POPULAR to stalk me.”

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