[Chrysler excluded], any kind of after-market car mod is scientifically proven to divide whatever dignity it once retained and exemplify a concentrated waste of human effort…. unless the goal is to burn cash and impress drug dealers with more metal in their grimaces than a chromed exhaust tip. Like a stage production cobbled by an elementary school of mentally challenged paraplegics (where scotch tape holds both the cardboard scenery AND disparately-sequined costumes together), these rolling abominations are labors of love to which bystanders can only mutter and hope to shake their furrowed brows loose with tight head motions. Here are some guidelines to ensure that your slab/donk/hoopde is nightmarishly ostentatious, exhuding all the charisma of a shrieking tantrum exhibited in a Wal-Mart checkout lane.

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