DOOM (The Ultimate DOOM)

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Green! Red! Gyah…. Bad Touch Death!

Game Name: DOOM(1993); Special Edition Release – The Ultimate DOOM (1995)
Developer: id Software
Platform: MS-DOS, Windows, Mac OS, OS/2, Linux, NeXTcube, IRIX, Solaris, RiscPC, AmigaOS, BeOS, Acorn Archimedes, Atari Jaguar, PS1, PS3, PS4, PocketStation, Xbox, Xbox 360, XBOne, Sega 32X, Sega Saturn, Super NES, Nintendo 64, 3DO, Game Boy Advance, Tapwave Zodiac, Shield Portable, TR-DOS, iOS, BlackBerry OS, Windows Mobile, [and likely a bunch of other stuff I’ve never heard of]. Of course, Doom has been ported by fans to just about anything with a screen, including a Canon office printer. You heard me correctly.
Categories: FPS GrandDaddy, Retro, Reaction Based, Ammo Management, Abstract/Complex Labyrinthine Levels, Lethal Ambushes, Monster Closets packed to the Brimstone, Keycard Finding, Gore, Satanic, Multi-Difficulty, Low Res, Distilled Shooter, Co-op, Deathmatch, Long Campaign, Moddable, Thriving Community, Storyless, Frantic Fun, an Immortal Franchise and unequivocally/demonsterably METAL as hell.

May Appeal To: aging gamers eager to write dissertations about their generation’s superiority, future alien archaeologists studying the lost husk of human culture, gaming nerds completing bucket lists, twitchy tweakers, and those with low attention spa….
May Repulse: graphics snobs, story cravers, the young, enjoyers of Everyone’s Gone to the Rapture, and those that believe ‘DOS’ is the primary villain in Portal

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Axiom Verge

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Please don’t eat me. You’re going to eat me.

Game Name: Axiom Verge (2015)
Developer: Thomas Happ Games (only Axiom Verge, which is sufficient for now)
Platform: PS4, PC, Vita, Wii U, XBONE  Releasing in that staggered order
Categories: Quintessential Metroidvania, 2D Platformer, Unlockables, Single Player, 8 Bit, Backtracking, Multi-Difficulty, 2 Endings, Indie, SciFi, a Retro Love Letter, Varied Combat, Visual Puzzles, Brutal Bosses, Exploration/Secrets Centric

May Appeal To: classic platform pornographers, pixel art fanatics, and most anyone with black rimmed glasses and a beard
May Repulse: 8 bit haters, challenge unenthusiasts, hand holders, the easily lost, brosefs, Engrish can’t-standers, and those that didn’t grow up with the soothing bleeps and bloops of OG gaming

Comparable To: more intricate and harder than Guacamelee!, immersive and addictive compared to Rogue Legacy, and is a fusion of innovation with classic inspiration like Braid. *Inhales* Tighter controls and more visual flair than Metroid, improves upon the formula and is mechanically/thematically closest to Super Metroid, faster paced and less claustrophobic than Metroid II: Return of Samus, similarly interesting environs as Castlevania 1, more varied combat and less monotonous than Castlevania 2, thoughtful map design as opposed to Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin, and as quirky/immersive though less RPG-like when compared to Symphony of the Night.  Continue reading

Rogue Legacy

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Solid Snake ruined exclamation marks for me. You hear it too, right?

Game Name: Rogue Legacy (2014)
Developer: Cellar Door Games (not much else, unless you count “Don’t Shit Your Pants”)
Platform: PS3, PS4, Vita, PC, XBOX ONE
Categories: Platformer, Rogue “Lite”, Retro, Simple, Repetition, Unlockables, Random Dungeons, MetroidVania, Single Player, Bite Size Gameplay, Multi-Death, Hard

May Appeal To: self flagellators, braggers, the trendy, Indie supporters, Steam collectors, OCD driven perfectionists
May Repulse: depth divers, Indie loathers, the undedicated, the frustrated, seasoned gamers, the hard to please, and I’ve-seen-it-all-beforers

Comparable To: any single level of Castlevania, less charm than Guacamelee!, less adventure/mystery than Spelunky, more claustrophobic than Risk of Rain, harder than Megaman maybe, better graphics than Terraria, less satisfaction than the original Ghosts ‘n’ Goblins, throw in a smidgen of Darkest Dungeon regarding the castle build screen, potentially a little Axiom Verge in the retro-platformer revival movement Continue reading

Total War: Warhammer

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Varghulfs, vargheists, and crypt horrors throw the best tailgating parties. Go Sportsball!

Game Name: Total War: Warhammer (2016)
Developer: Creative Assembly (Total War has been *around* son. History-based warfare drips from their very walls…. and Alien: Isolation scurries their ducts.)
Platform: PC
Categories: Multiplayer, Multi-Faction, Campaigns, Turn-Based Strategic Overworld, Pause-able Tactics Orchestration, Massive Battles, Gorefest (with DLC),  Fantasy Horror, Board Game Adaptation

May Appeal To: tabletop gaming titans and miniatures collectors, those looking for an entry into the Warhammer world, eye candy sweet-tooths, Lord of the Rings insatiables, and anyone seeking chaotically organic war mongering.
May Repulse: tactile skirmishers looking for quick satisfaction, proud owners of blunting-edge PC technology, comrades whom fear the DLC onslaught, and those craving granular controls over troop positioning.

Comparable To: Total War in all its shapes and forms – this matches those games with the exception of historically accurate Japanese shoguns and muskets being replaced by magically deified fists slamming into the battlefield as volcanic brimstone peppers your throng of hulking, cannibalistic greenskins invading the Chaos Marches. Scale-wise, this is a string of Forged Alliance battles set on end and the overworld strikes me reminiscent of either ‘Disciples’ or ‘Heroes of Might and Magic’. Let’s throw a comparison to ‘Kingdom Under Fire’ out there as well – it’s pretty close.

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Atelier Rorona: The Alchemist of Arland Plus

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It’s a linear world, though my pockets still can’t carry it all.

Game Name: Atelier Rorona: The Alchemist of Arland Plus (2009 originally, 2014)
Developer: Gust Co. Ltd. (makers of the Ar Tonelico series, Mana Khemia) -http://www.ateliergames.eu/roronaplus/
Platform: PS3, Vita (Reviewed), a 3DS version exists (kind of)
Categories: Single Player, Extreme Crafting, Innocent/Endearing, JRPG, Item Hoarding, Time Management, Assignment Driven, Turn Based Combat, Deliberately Slow Pacing

May Appeal To: event planners, efficiency experts, min-maxers, stat crunchers, inventory jugglers, the young at heart, OCD sufferers, and the Japanese
May Repulse: twitch gamers, violence cravers, Ritalin poppers, anime shirkers, crafting haters, and fundamentally anyone missing the attention span to notice incomplete

Comparable To: the ominously looming time restrictions of Dead Rising just with a de-emphasis on rampantly comedic decapitations; the game also rings true with the overall structure and vibe of Rune Factory 4 though with a declared purpose and direction. This has less ‘Mine’ and 30 times more ‘Craft’ than Minecraft, though the turn-based combat is a no-frills, barely competent vision of literally any other JRPG. Way, way more chipper than Fullmetal Alchemist. Continue reading