5/30/2014: I find it interesting that only our kidneys, lungs, and reproductive organs are symmetrical, leaving 15 or so abdominal organs smooshed and crammed into such a small space with seemingly no thought to arrangement. Even the heart -which resides center torso- angles left at its point, sending vital arteries off in strange looping highways. This is weird because -no matter how balanced we look on the outside- people are [uniformly] twisted messes where it counts, like a slimy bowl of earthworms.

5/29/2014: No human can even FIND the Minecraft boss without a wiki, the original info assumedly beamed from alien life forms. Madness: scour bedrock for diamonds, craft specialized pickaxe, mine obsidian, trade gems to village for flint, craft obsidian into 4×3 ring and strike with flint, explore laggy Hell to find blaze rods in rare dungeons, craft into flames, combine with scary black enemy pearls, chuck Ender “Eye” into the air, follow, dig, grind out 8 eyes and place around dragon’s doorstep…. and then Cheap Deaths.

5/28/2014: After beating the damned Ender Dragon I’m comfortable saying, “Minecraft isn’t intuitive”, which is a huge problem. On day one I expired from starvation like ten times before researching a renewable food that didn’t depopulate a square mile of animules. Meager Bread: craft a hoe with 2 sticks and 2 stone, hit grass to discover wheat seeds(?!), till top layer from soil, plant seed, wait 8 phases to harvest, align 3 wheat at a crafting table. All that restores 1/5 hunger. And that’s to eat. TO EAT!!

5/27/2014: Thing is: if the handicapped and expectant mothers are physically able to traverse even a gigantic mall, why does making a beeline from the parking lot pose a problem? (If your response cites Rascal availability at the front, only megamarts like Target participate.) Certainly it’s a “nice” social gesture, [resulting in hundreds of unused spots], but I’ve only seen two types occupy them: the doddering disabled with questionable driver’s licenses, and assholes borrowing their grandma’s parking pass.

5/26/2014: I’d previously assumed the underhanded pitching method of women’s softball was implemented to either slow the delivery or ensure more connecting swings. Apparently, it’s neither. Since men’s softball -which I was oblivious to- has the exact pitching regulations (disproving sexism), the repeated explanation of “to spare the pitcher’s shoulders” appears true. “Softballs” are not soft at all and the 15% greater mass is enough to slow pitches by 30% when compared to regular baseball. FYI

5/25/2014: Capitalism isn’t the issue; uninformed mobs like Occupy Wallstreet had it wrong. As a product of the crises they fight, it’s understandable when the shiftlessly disenfranchised rise up and bust out the bongos/weed in “protest”. Our corporation-focused politics deprioritized education, substituting televised fiction and slashed budgets. No wonder dissenters can’t articulate their objections! Worse yet, how do the unemployed buy lobbyists? Denied thought and influence, what are their options?

5/24/2014: Visible often in StarCraft tutorials, the impatience of artificially clicking the terrain to drive up “Actions Per Minute” is cringe worthy. Should anyone care about that mindless stat -a higher APM- wouldn’t a smaller number accompanying a victory be more impressive, indicative of efficiency? And continuing that practice in a strategic demonstration just pawns it off on eager learners, if not revealing some self-deception about what makes a good player. “StarCraft: Having Parkinson’s is a Plus!”

5/23/2014: Many know of foot fetishes, urine fetishes, paraplegic fetishes, and illegally-conducted Tennessee tramp stamp Jamborees, but what of possibly the biggest sex association known to the history of mankind? Would regular sex be some form of “genital fetish”? Never heard it mentioned as that before. Just throwing it out there.

5/22/2014: Casual, expected misdemeanors aside, we all fly past red lights frequently. If you’ve ever made a left or right turn at an intersection, you may now be cursed to notice that perpendicular traffic indicators don’t keep us from moving. You’re welcome.

5/21/2014: Surrounded with bystanders, eating burgers in a dim room, offered light by college basketball, divine knowledge dawned through the gloom. Activities organized around sporting events are nearly the opposite of performing athletics, so is stuffing one’s face and inebriation a celebration of rendering one’s self incapable of emulating sports stars? Is that what I’ve been missing all along? Are heroes more heroic through lowering personal expectations, viewed through the gauze of alcohol? ….Maybe not.

5/20/2014: Fuck you Google. 27 minutes fiddling with bad controls on a virtual Rubik’s cube (homescreen hosted) netted me exactly zero fulfillment. “Cube solved” it laments, congratulating in the manner some arduous Nintendo letdown presented its coded finale in the 80s, scripted by sociopaths seeking a game so tedious that only the masochistic could witness [bad] closure. A punishment for persistence…. (Even Freecell has fireworks!) Google’s “zerg rush” distraction, however, was a blast.

5/19/2014: That’s not to say there weren’t secret operations behind the JFK scene. The 60s were rife with America’s desperation to thwart the looming boogeymen (whether real, imagined, or Us all along) through Cuban invasions, amoral research, and mafia enlistment as discussed in the BBC’s “The Men Who Killed Kennedy” series. After devoting 9 whopping hours (the last 3 episodes being trash) to the case, I can finally rest knowing that had Oswald even committed murder that it was with powerful backing.

5/18/2014: For true conspiracy exploration done right (sans blind assumptions on crowd mentality), look no further than Nova’s “Cold Case JFK”. Ballistic gel, 3D laser scanning, and unexpected tech (like sound photography) offer fresh viewpoints on a[n old] cold-case never truly iced over. Despite fear mongering and an encouraged government subservience terrified of foreign retaliatory strikes, the “communist-influenced” Oswald seems ripe to take the fall since the facts little prove the idea of a second shooter.

5/17/2014: The JFK “2nd shooter” theory is breathing new life, explored with CG precision in the documentary “JFK: The Smoking Gun”. Fascinatingly, eye-witness testimony, trajectories, and rushed/ignored procedural evidence paint a compelling picture of an accidental shot delivered by the secret service. Do I believe it? Not at all…. but it’s fun to entertain the argument. Nowadays -in the age of camera phones- conspiracies will assumedly require much more finesse than daylight distractions.

5/16/2014: Not sure why Producers are frequently “credited” for anything, much less referenced for upcoming projects. To my understanding, they front the bulk of the budget for artistic works but make that money back anyways. At a profit. They’re glorified gamblers reaping the benefits of casting their surplus funds -throwing their chips in- with acclaimed directors, camera crew, and talent mentioned much later when the credits roll. They’re rich sugar daddies mentionable only as faceless investors.

5/15/2014: Because not all bacteria is harmful and the little guys build resistances to drugs, popping antibiotics as candy isn’t advised; it makes them strong…. and hulk-angry. The reverse is true too. In fact, the dirtiest among us end up most resistant to rabies for car-accident-time-travel (I regret using Palanhiuk’s “Rant” as a source). Keep in mind, probiotic cells outnumber “us” in our own bodies 10 to 1. No joke, shouldn’t we be paying rent, not guzzling bacteria steroids in misguided ploys to evict them?

5/14/2014: I’m uncertain that looking at purchases in terms of “hours worked” is healthy. Dinner costs an hour and a half of my workday, every day? Count me out. The house payment sets me back two full weeks every month. That Nerf gun is four hours of my professional life. A new piece of furniture is seven days on this planet where I was chained to a desk pushing papers and answering phone calls. Gum is 15 minutes (post taxes) and I’ll never recover those specific minutes. Oh you want a stick? Sure, I guess.

5/13/2014: Bizarro Superman is so ludicrous I can’t believe we’re talking about him. He’s whiter(?) than Superman, speaks broken English, and lives on a cubed planet called “Htrea” where doing good is a crime. It’s like Opposite Day -every child’s favorite fake holiday- grew up and attempted a ruleset construct within an impossible premise. First off, some things just don’t have opposites like pumpkin pie, a clutch pedal, or Lady Gaga but I’m dismayed by how long DC comics let him survive. Me am disappoint.

5/12/2014: Macs are technically PCs. Mind=Blown…. Oh, and this one-button Apple mouse business is ridiculous. I thought the point of a physical device you glide around the desk surface was so you didn’t have to touch the keyboard to TAB and CMD. Scroll wheels and other doohickeys allow single-handed control of your files and accessibility, so only needing one button is like simplifying a car to a single pedal and 2 gears: fast and slow. A Mac car would brake when not accelerating and who needs to reverse?

5/11/2014: Answers.com and other click bait are worse than cancer. (I’ve never exaggerated.) They even break down single sentences into multiple Powerpoint slides to get increasingly angry at while pushing to continue gives a steady stream of nothing, much less answers. Somebody’s got balls to put four words per page. And you just know these sites are getting more “traffic” due to all the hopeful clicks, bumping them to the top of search lists in continuing the cycle of frustratingly unanswered questions.

5/10/2014: You are now breathing manually.

5/09/2014: Polyphony made Gran Turismo resources in-house. And while it’s incredibly admirable for a single team to duplicate 1000s of car exteriors, sound, and physics (not to mention 70 real racetracks) their business model drags their production to a relative crawl and renders them incapable of adding crash modeling. The hey day of GT may be past tense unless they adapt to Forza and Dirt’s graphics/physics to keep their edge. It isn’t simulation if you’re allowed to hit walls at 200 mph with no repercussions.

5/08/2014: Don’t order things priced at “market value” on menus. You’ll get a tubby wait staff mixing $12 guacamole at the table. I SAW what’s in that bowl and 4 avocado halves, an orange, 4 slices of onion, and a sliver of tomato aren’t valued that highly in this era. Did I pay for the show? Not sure. But with skills absorbed within two minutes of “training” I too could spin a bowl and chop vegetables…. In fact I may have missed my calling at these rates. Why do doctors exist when $360.00 hourly can be had?

5/07/2014: MGS Peacewalker is chock full of great points. “Wasn’t the Cold War actually a misnomer for ‘true peace’?” Huey poses this quandary to define the deterrence he strives for. Snake sharply replies that in the scramble for spaceships and nukes, civilians died regardless the lack of battles. But with such a broad scope of what constitutes “war”, there’d be no lasting hope for mankind. To realize this “peace” we’d have to disarm competition, borders, resource necessity, and probably currency.

5/06/2014: Success is optional; Trying is essential. Some are blessed with super-mutant abilities but most have much humbler origins fraught with adversity which can only be conquered through ol’ fashioned gumption, elbow grease, and that thing about bootstraps. Nevermind the persecution of mutants in the Marvel universe…. Disregard Lance Armstrong. Look, this is supposed to be inspiring dammit. You’re right; giving up is easier. Whatever. Fine, I dare you to not try to give up. See? I win, you lose. Booyah.

5/05/2014: Farming games are a bit of a mystery. I don’t know many who’d sacrifice the luxuries afforded by phones, TV, cars, fast food, and paying just about anyone to do just about anything (including vegetable growing). But despite this, managing grids of wheat and milking virtual cows are staples to thriving diversions like Farmville, Harvest Moon, Rune Factory (which I enjoy) and others. It is chores, but the simulation might hearken mankind’s roots, similar to camping or hunting sparking a dormant aspect of our nature.

5/04/2014: Boxing is a sport of endurance; gone are my preconceptions of instant knockouts. There were more than 800 punches thrown in each of 4 matches I witnessed, each of the combatants looking as softened sacks of burger meat pummeled senseless. Purple and swollen, the biggest surprise came when pugilists articulated upon their performance that night, even after their grueling ordeal. I’d likely take a single punch to the face then have a lasting aversion to mittens, sobbing inconsolably.

5/03/2014: I miss drinking, but only while drinking is going on. The sloshing, colorful liquids in their brilliant bottles of tantalizingly intriguing diversity. The raucous laughter of people hammering themselves into oblivion, merrily vomiting philosophical emotion upon the carpet of camaraderie. It’s the next morning, however, when I feel like aching shit sans the help of alcoholic poison that I relinquish the grasp of romantic suppositions about imbibing. Anyways, nobody wants me to rant while unfiltered drunk. Nobody.

5/02/2014: Hefting a multi-million dollar fee for rejection over Letterman’s old job, the naturally fun Craig Ferguson whistles out the door of CBS. I love the guy, genuinely entertaining. He wouldn’t have been a good fit for the mainstream crowd but damn it all if he wasn’t a fine comedian, blending candidly sordid personal history with knee-slappingly accurate social critiques. He’ll be missed as one of the most uncomfortably comfortable interviewers who held nothing back, nor muzzled his friendly japes/jabs.

5/01/2014: Daenerys Targaryen seemed more likable in the Song of Ice and Fire novels (that’s the series name; deal with it), so much so that I’m interested in the composition somebody made of her isolated story excised from the other theater of characters. Maybe it’s the impertinent smirk a queen’s entitlement adopts that isn’t visible in text, but I became distasteful of her screen presence almost instantly. The tremulous voice quavering doesn’t help DT’s self-righteousness, but other viewers seem enthralled.