The game’s name isn’t important, since this has undoubtedly occurred before and will happen again, but the topic-sparking scenario was as follows. A player checked into a private room at a ‘gaming cafe’ and was roused from his desk 40 hours later. The 18 year old stood up and collapsed, dying from a blood clot that had developed from sitting in one place too long. Since the hapless tragedy, a connection has been drawn between the man’s addiction to games and the lack of concern for his well-being. Developers are once again called upon to take the onus of responsibility because of their supposed contribution to his demise. But this is just about as unreasonable as things get to me.

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Orville used to be a cat that was one day hit and killed by a vehicle. His owner, professing that he loved his pet so much, decided to put the body in a freezer for 6 months while working on a remote controlled helicopter framework. He then had a taxidermist apply the skin to the helicopter frame, yielding a wide-eyed cat with all four legs splayed out in a very un-catlike stance. The thing has four propellers, one on each foot, and is remotely controlled by the owner whom claims that he is not desecrating the memory of the cat, but that every feline dreams of flying with the birds just like the Orvillecopter. Needless to say, controversy has erupted over the issue.

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In an inspiring tale of courage Bacon -one of the younger members of the Pork dynasty- has finally spoken out about its recent abuses perpetrated on behalf of the American people. “I’m exhausted”, Bacon declares, “I used to take it all in stride, and maybe I was a little flattered at first, but it has gotten ridiculous.” Bacon chokes back tears. “They just don’t know their limits anymore and now it has even become POPULAR to stalk me.”

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