11/30/2013: The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals would prefer you be disturbed by their shockingly risqué posters against slaughterhouses and fur manufacturers (whom kill for warmth and food), but PETA destroys a whopping 90% of all pets taken to their “shelters”. While alternative organizations have a “neuter and release” policy, PETA advocates genocide, the small bodies chucked out the back so the humane façade can receive ignorant donations. Where does the money go?

11/29/2013: The Buzzfeed informs my wife, whom squeals about Chinese “gutter oil” for days on end. WTF is it? It’s the antithesis to fine dining, apparently, a cause to spackle your mouth closed and a reason to forever sniff the speculatively cheap buffet plates before wafting the insecurity out of your head. I mean, you’re being silly right? Just because some foreign restaurants have an illegal tradition of dredging sewer refuge with a ladle, boiling, then stir-frying with its grease doesn’t mean you’ll eat it.

11/28/2013: “Dexter”, the hit Showtime series, is by far one of the most compelling and intelligent dramas I’ve fallen prey to. Normally I’d be forcing a grind to completion, waiting for the writing to slip or at least hit a lull in the masterfully rendered suspense and commentary. Hasn’t happened, as of season 6 of 8. Enthralled, I can’t wait to see what issues the namesake’s killer explores in his goal of passing undetected through a tantalizing orchard of humanity that’s ripe for the taking. Beautifully horrific stuff.

11/27/2013: Do epileptics REALLY need to be reminded at each, subsequent, individual booting of their favorite game [or anime?] that flashing lights aren’t the happy fun time for them as experienced by non-epileptics? (Pro-tip: we don’t like the flashing either.) Has their been one instance where a person clapped their forehead and said, “Fuck…. what am I thinking turning on this Game Boy? I seized for a half hour the last time.” What’s next? Warning signs at my favorite roller discos?! Thanks, Obama.

11/26/2013: A peanut is neither a “pea” nor a “nut”; for what it’s worth, the thing is a “legume”…. Then again, even the taxonomy of simple animal classifications like “mammal” gets turned on its head when the furry bloke in question has a duck bill, lays eggs, and exists as one of five creatures on the planet to be labeled “monotreme”. The platypus is just a single instance of nature refusing to be cornered, labeled, and conveniently archived for our peace of mind. And there are more cases.

11/25/2013: Maybe France is just considered weak in contrast to America’s bloodlust? WW1 has been revisited with revelations that the RMS Lusitania’s sinking was as the Germans said all along: The Lusitania transported ammo under the disguise of a civilian vessel. Phrased appropriately- Britain broke the Cruiser Rules [again] and saddled innocents onto a prime target of attrition. Media spin doctors got their wish, though. Thousands of American lads joined the war and partook in sweet revenge.

11/24/2013: Why does France have a pushover’s rap? Discluding little Napoleon’s giant ego conquering a sizable portion of that continent, France still endured grueling trench warfare and Germanic invasion in the World Wars. They also sacrificed munitions and troops for the American Revolution, giving rise to our status as a superpower. If nothing else, they’re as tough as nuts when going for a Nazi victory in “Hearts of Iron 3”! Well, you’ve still got street cred with me, France. And dancing monkey organ grinders.

11/23/2013: After completing Kid Icarus’ Uprising on the 3DS with a 4.5 difficulty rating and MVPing half my [small amount of] multiplayer matches, I feel confident in the time I spent “giving it a chance” before declaring the following: “This game is funny, innovative, worthwhile, and has a steady string of rewards…. but the controls cause finger cramps in the most awkward ways possible.” Not since “Bigfoot” monster truck racing on the NES have I felt pained disdain with my own inadequate hands.

11/22/2013: Overacting in a Broadway play of Rent? Good. Overacting in a Lifetime made-for-TV movie? Bad. I fail to see why the stilted emotion, sweeping gestures, and cartoonish appearance of human puppets flopping about with strings cut as if exorcising the humiliation wrought at the hands of some high school gym coach is favorable in any instance. Seeing Kevin Kline demonstrate a drunk’s walk to [leo]tards in gray tanktops with drooping straps was enough to make me officially hate thespians.

11/21/2013: The military -despite its uses- has been criticized for its abandonment of veterans once the institution saps their good years, ejecting them into the workforce with limited support. In a way, this echoes the prison system. Where both are subjected to a reformation intended to break down resistances and build them anew, inmates/soldiers learn violent skills, experience horrors, and are expected to cope with these haunts in forging an unassumingly normal life once their term is up.

11/20/2013: Lesser than the effort of locating a stool for indoor acrobatics and burning my hands/eyes on two separate occasions, stocking spare lightbulbs would be the easier route than casting a deprioritized room into shadow to sate an immediate need. Similarly, there is always an orphaned electronic device to cannibalize in prying the pair of heavy chemical cylinders loose for emergency power. Welcome to the apocalypse; supplies are limited. Here’s your zombie stick, gas mask, and astronaut ice cream.

11/19/2013: Master Chef Jr. proves you don’t have to be an idiot to be a savant…. Well, I suppose you definitively do but, “kids have talent”, is what I’m trying to say. It sorta bugs me though that the competition’s winner gets $100,000 and a trophy while second place gets to cry themselves home, inconsolable for their developing tween-age years. Oh, and for reference’s sake: a Nobel Peace laureate gets $10,000,000 for their efforts but the global benefits do disseminate beyond the Fox audience’s viewing pleasure.

11/18/2013: I’ve been proven oh so incredibly wrong when I assumed that the Auction House in Diablo 3 -while game relevant- was the most underhanded financial tactic. Check this out: Steam has digital cards that randomly show within a player’s account. For no discernible reason, gamers buy these arbitrary icons from each other at a premium while Steam gleans a tidy 10% off each transaction. I placed my cards at market value and made $1.40 within the hour, meaning Steam is just printing money.

11/17/2013: I’d like to know what R&D progress has been made on toothpaste -the ultimate cleaner- in the last decade and why the flagship product isn’t labeled “best” for discriminate shoppers. I’ll just assume that it’s the same damn item with face-lifted advertising. Here’s my theory: if Crest creates 17 “versions” at similar prices, each advocating identical traits in different fonts, then it’s the grocery stocker’s priority to front each box type on the shelf, thus leading to visibility real estate being squabbled over.

11/16/2013: OBGYN isn’t an acronym so why do people spell it? (Now that I mention it, even acronyms like Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus can be pronounced.) “I’m going to visit my D-O-C-T-O-R, don’t wait up.” Ladies, if you’d like an alternative try “Obstegyne” (patent pending). It has two less syllables than your thin ruse to faux-thwart literate toddlers who’re nearby and it’s 30% cooler. You’re welcome.

11/15/2013: “These are the times I wish you were still here”, whispers a mournful Facebook denizen to his broadcast recipients. If Heaven’s net catches silent prayers it makes only sense that God shares web access with the tiers of angelic choirs. It’s a nice sentiment. Grieving will be heard by local invisible guardians and global spirits, alike. And since Zuckerberg’s design disallowed account deletion, these messages will withstand time immemorial, forever trawled for commercially marketable data.

11/14/2013: [Former] punk band Green Day’s “American Idiot” is now a Broadway musical. Am I simply an ostracized, bitter fucktard or has the world ventured beyond its flashmob-jazzhands quota? Loved the album, but no bit of me burns with passion to witness the resurrection of decade-old droning, fast-paced songs to be enacted by prancing, over-emoting adults with ankle supports. Admittedly, I’m curious what the South Park creators’ “Book of Mormon” was about, but this is a repulsive trend.

11/13/2013: The late night host pecking order goes something like this: Craig Ferguson is the best, followed by Conan, Leno, and Letterman. (Kimmel and Arsenio Hall have Fallon off my radar; but thanks for trying.) Truly, Craig is the only one I enjoy of the gap-filling wastes presented by alternatives (that and 2am Taco Palenque runs). “But Mike”, you protest, “Leno is a two-timing hack. Letterman ftw!” But this would be false, indeed, as the latter is irrevocably, stiflingly unfunny. He is entertainment’s kryptonite.

11/12/2013: I can’t recall the last instance I heard alternative pronunciations to “without tchoo” or “wouldn’t djoo” on the radio. It strikes me as similar to how Sarah Palin necessitated “new-clear” written on her speech cards to avoid embarrassing slip-ups, but in grammatical reverse. It’s as if artists go above and beyond to connect with the “way people talk”. Whatever sells, I guess. I’ll have to be conscious of this oddity the next time I’m playing a marathon of ’90s grunge I use to power through art stuff.

11/11/2013: Torn between “Hello” and “Good Morning”? Try accidentally spouting “Hell Morning” as I’ve done. It’s more appropriate for Mondays anyways.

11/10/2013: I realized a new annoyance with the “folksy” musical craze of female singers. Lyrics of shoeboxes, buttons, and string. Paper hearts folded on grandma’s rustic kitchen sill. It’s like Pinterest exploded, buckets of crocheted yarn guts draping over us. I’m a fan of earthy shit, especially the natural sound of hardwood recording studios and acoustic guitar, but this manufactured descendant of Indie music with voice popping/cracking and vocal dips is gut-wrenching, despite the impressive technical skill.

11/09/2013: Isn’t it grand to simultaneously know a coffee enthusiast and learn this trait while sleeping at the offender’s house? These impulsive zombies rise before physically possible (even for brainless roosters) only to strain tap water through dirt into a black diarrhea concoction pot, placing it well ahead of respect for their guests’ rest. And the grinders…. Fuck. Coffee folks wake early to spike liquid to help them wake early and why? To read the newspaper in administering an obnoxiously chipper, “Sleep well?!”

11/08/2013: There are five senses: touch, taste, smell, sight, and hearing. But there are a positively huge amount of ways to stimulate each; everyone has a favorite. Some see these inputs as a way to sample the world, to tickle the interactivity with smooth jazz and a sip of wine, while others bludgeon the receivers with kegs, adrenaline, blasted music, and haunted houses. Sometimes beating ourselves over the head until we tingle is the best way to jar the railcar back on-track, or to just numb the conductor.

11/07/2013: By connotative definition, “selling out” is synonymous of passing or at least sharing creative license over a personal project in exchange for cash. This can result in a quality dip while the artist reaps the benefits. For starters, we’re all cogs in at least one machine but I ask the population how often they abandon their favorite musician when they seek to expand their target audience or rehash old successes. Me? When game franchises sell out, I just dump them looking for another…. unless it’s still good.

11/06/2013: All of us secretly hope for the opportunity to sell out, despite the popularity of condemning those that do. I say this because success is generally gauged by bank accounts (not what one does with it) and whether a morality exhibitionist seeks a demonstration of their resolve or a guy simply wants to pay off his house, never to work again, being thrust into a situation of “selling your soul to the machine” is a life-changing scenario. I mean, it’s one we dream of turning down. Right?

11/05/2013: An abused person needs to release accumulated anger on something. It never ends with just one as hate is easy to spread and propagate. The relationship with a boss or a teacher, spousal, parental, friend, relatives. There are as many stressors as individuals, single contacts that potentially grind gravel into an open wound of the next. Pets are so often recipient-only, as are children. Interestingly, physical objects can invoke and receive stress, a ready solution to stymieing negativity without reciprocation.

11/04/2013: Want to reduce gang membership and violent crime? Increasing law enforcement, stricter penalties, and improving the economy all require a lot of energy and [arguably] treat merely the symptoms of this national problem. Let’s try something simpler: don’t hit your kids. The black and Hispanic cultures, in particular, view physical discipline as both a rite and a “right” of sorts, one that many wear as a cultural badge of honor, one that entitles them to continue the idea that violence is a solution taught early.

11/03/2013: Palms are the same color, no matter the race. Bone is white. Gums are pink. Organs are arranged in the same fashion, doing similar functions from person to person. Eyes are likely brown in a random sample. Hair is typically brown. Skin is just varying shades of brown, maybe a tint of pink or yellow thrown in for variety. Blood is universally red -interchangeable- given a handful of types. Stop the discrimination.

11/02/2013: What’s more harmful to women’s perception than sluts or large breasts in the media (because women can’t have sex drive and should be ashamed of natural endowment)? High heels and make-up. Shoulder pads have been [thankfully] phased out of common attire, but it’s too evident that women need walk on stilts to appear as tall as us (jut that booty), while slathering “I am woman roaring” war paint to emphasize their prettiness with a mask. And this is standard. Red lips and claws? Just bizarre.

11/01/2013: Graphical prowess is impressive to behold, the lackluster UI of a game benefitting from at least a new coat of paint. As some plumb the depths of diversity, others seek to slicken a sleek experience, likening the thing to narrow carnival rides or a guided tour of untouchable temptation. Remember Me, Beyond Two Souls, and FF13 commit no sin, but I’m easier swayed by their counterparts in MGS4, A Wolf Among Us, and Heavy Rain. Developers, take note of how we want to interact with games.